I was talking to a friend of mine about commitments and how we break them. I've noted something remarkable about commitments and our behaviour. In short, we break our commitments by simply deciding, subconsciously, to do something else than what we committed ourselves to. So how is it that we break our commitments when we work on projects? And why is it important?

Here's an example: you commit to a task, take any simple task, such as sending a document to someone on the project team. A day passes and you haven't sent it. You've already forgotten about it. When confronted by the person that you have made a commitment to, you simply realize that you've forgotten and recommit again.

The fact about this simple example is that the commitment was made, no matter how big or small. There's an expectation that is created as a result of it. It's a chain reaction after that, as others start depending on the expected result.

What I'd like to point out here is that we have the power over our commitments: we make them, therefore we can complete them or break them. It seems at times that we do not break commitments on purpose, i.e. something happens, we run out of time, we have to focus on something more important at the moment, etc.

The best friend of the commitment breaker is a very good reason and a lack of integrity. Sounds harsh? Well, here's the real answer: when we break the commitment and fail to deliver the result, we actually make an unconscious decision to do so at some turning point in time.

So how do we do that? We find many reasons why we can't do something, but the underlying reason why we even start looking for a reason is linked to either lack of knowledge, lack of a skill or some other personal reason. The reason we commit in the first place can be linked to some personal agenda that achieves a goal by simply committing to a task.

After analyzing it even further, we can say that when we break our commitment, we make a decision not to do what is required.

Another example: when I say I will commit to to exercising and going to the gym and then the time to actually do it comes and I don't go to the gym, I am actually making a decision at the time when i have to go to the gym that there's something else more important for me to do. I allow myself not to be in integrity with myself, therefore it makes it easier to break that commitment again and again, until the reasons for my decision are exhausted. I then recommit to being "good" again, and the cycle starts again. The actual unconscious decision is that what I committed myself to is simply not important to me. It might be important for my health, my well being, but it is not important to "me". There's a reason why I committed to a task of going to the gym in the first place, but if I can't trace that throughout my every day life, that means I simply committed for a reason that no longer makes sense to me.

Why do we do this? We have many reasons for doing this. Importance here is in understanding when we are doing it.

So the next time you realize that you haven't delivered something, realize that you've made a decision at some point not to deliver, and dig deeper to understand why you did so. You will start realizing how much more powerful you get when you understand what drives your sometimes subconscious decision making.

TrackBack URI for this entry

Comments (0)

Subscribe to this comment's feed